Feh! It's Probably Me...Part 1
by Darth Mer-Mer
Summary: A songfic...wait, don't go! Shoo, that was close! This is a songfic to Sting's It's Probably Me to the time after Kagome has seen Inuyasha pledging love to Kikyo and what happen after the fact! Please R&R!
1. Default Chapter

Okay, no lemon for now…trying something new. A songfic in four parts! Watch me expand writing styles like a drunken flying squirrel! Please read and review…I own no one…they only live under my bed, listening to me mumbled about Sting being a sexy old man…wink, wink; nudge, nudge. Love you all, love the reviews more though. 

Feh! It's Probably Me…

Inuyasha Songfic to Sting's "It's Probably Me."

__

If the night turned cold

And the stars looked down

And you hug yourself on cold cold ground

You wake the morning in a stranger's coat

No one would you see

You ask yourself, who'd watch for me

My only friend, who could it be

It's hard to say it

I hate to say it, 

But it's probably me.

Inuyasha looked up into the starry sky from his perching in the gold leaves. A chill wind ruffled his snowy hair. Fall had come quickly, more quickly than he could ever remember. There would be frost crystallizing the ground by the morning. The frost would be cold, but not as cold as Kikyo's eyes had been. He sighed. Her voice, colder than a hundred winter snows, echoed in his mind. She hated him so much…he could actually feel the hate keeping her body of bone and mud together. 

And his urgent need to see Kikyo had made Kagome ready to flee to her world again. She didn't know he was watching her as she slept alone on the ground below. He felt terrible…but not guilty. That was until he had watched her cry herself to sleep. How she had howled, thinking she was alone in the clearing. He had watched as Kagome learned that real, honest crying wasn't pretty or cleansing. It was only primal and raw. In the dying light of the autumn day, the light making leaves burn like precious gems, she had final let the flood break through her careful defenses. The sun had reflected off her tears that cut down her dirty cheeks, the snot running from her nose and the spit that flew as she screamed to god over and over. 

In the moment when sleep finally claimed its screaming, whimpering charge, Inuyasha made a decision. He couldn't let Kagome turn out like Kikyo…it would be better for Kagome to go back to her world. Even though she was the only one who could sense the shards, it would be better to let her be happy. He sighed and shifted back on his leafy branch, fighting his own tears. It was his duty to Kikyo to protect her. If he kept that promise, he couldn't protect Kagome.

Below him, Kagome shuddered. Her bag of supplies had been left behind in the wake of needing to get away. Inuyasha shook his head, how could he have forgotten her bag? Now she was lying on the hard ground without her blankets or fluffy zippered bag. He shrugged off his coat. He owed her this much…his mother had made the hakata for him. It looked nice on her, Kagome should have it. It made her eyes glow. Soundlessly, he slipped from the tree to the ground below. 

Kagome whimpered, tears still leaking out of her eyes as he crept closer. As gently as his shaking hand could, he wrapped the cloak around her shoulders and tucked it behind her knees. It should keep her warm…he could leave now that she was safe. Hesitating he looked down at the sleeping girl. She had done so much for him. Now it was time for him to do something for her by leaving her be. He started with heavy feet towards the edge of the forest. The well was close, she'd be fine. Unless…he turned back around. Something might attack her. He'd stay until just before she woke up. That way he'd be able to watch her one last time…

Kagome woke when the first light of dawn touched her eyes. To her surprise, she found Inuyasha's jacket around her. Standing on unsteady legs, a spark of hope kindled in her heart she called out. It started as a whisper, but grew each time into a screaming plea. "Inuyasha…" She felt the tears start again, when would they ever stop?! "Inuyasha, please!" She clutched the cloth to her. "Come out, please Inuyasha!" It smelled like him…he had to be close. But what if he had only left his hakata to remember him by? Sobbing Kagome fell to the ground again. "Please! I'm begging you! Come out, come back to me!"

Inuyasha dug his claws into the flesh of his hands to resist the urge to go to her. But he was unable to leave her side in the night. This was the way it had to be. There was no other way for Kagome to be happy. He had ruined one woman's life already; he'd be damned to destroy someone as special as Kagome. And if she was ever to be happy, he had to leave her be. If anyone were to destroy her, it'd probably be me…he thought to himself as he turned his head away.

Kagome finally gave up, carefully folding the cloth in her arms. Sniffling, she started again to the well. For the last time.

What do you think? Please read and review, it means so much and takes so little time! Love you all! Darth Mer-Mer Momijichan@hotmail.com


	2. Feh! It's Probably Me...Part 2

This is part two…please read and review! I'm having trouble finishing it…I need feedback! Go get this song, "It's Probably Me" by Sting. I know for sure that it's on his Ten Summoner's Tales album…Great songs for anime minded people!

__

When your belly's empty and the hunger's so real

And you're too proud to beg and too dumb to steal

You search the city for your only friend

No one would you see

You ask yourself, who could it be

A solitary voice to speak out and set you free

I hate to say it, 

I hate to say it, 

But it's probably me.

Kagome sighed, staring out the window of her bedroom. She was almost sick with loneliness. If had somehow filled her stomach, making it ache with some unknown hunger. The cold knot grew tighter every day she was away from the Sengoku Jidai. She had to be strong; he had chosen Kikyo. It was obvious there was no way she could compete with her. She couldn't go back and beg for him to love her. There was no way. She just had to let Inuyasha go, no matter how big the ache in her belly became. It was just something she was going to have to live with now. She lay back down on her bed, staring at the Shikon shards on her desk. Reaching under her bed, she pulled out the hakata and wrapped it around her. It still smelled like him…her mother had offered to wash it for her. She had said no and burst in tears at the thought of his scent washing out of the red cloth. 

Outside her window, Inuyasha sighed and tried to convince himself that he had come for the shards. But watching her try to disappear into his jacket was almost too much. If she'd only ask to come back, he'd try to take care of her too. Maybe if he could just talked to her for a minute. No, that wouldn't be fair. His ears drooped…why couldn't she understand that he had to take care of Kikyo. His heart beat harder in his chest. But it was so hard being away from Kagome, he never felt like this when Kikyo wasn't around. He started as Kagome got up from her bed and grabbed the small bottle holding the shards. She was coming back! His heart leapt in his chest, joyously. Following close behind her, he watched as she entered the well house with bated breath. His heart in his throat, he waited for her to return to him, where she belonged. 

Kagome reached the edge of the well. If only Kikyo was dead! She thought then stopped. When had she become such an awful girl to think such thing? She took a step back. I must look very ugly right now, she sighed. She couldn't go see Inuyasha for the last time with such a face. She turned and walked back to the light of the door.

Inuyasha had to run to keep Kagome from seeing him as she reemerged from the well house. His heart fell. She wasn't going back to him after all…He left up into the trees. Looking left he was surprised to see his tree…leaping to its familiar branches he waited for Kagome to go back to the house. To his surprise she walked right to the God tree where he was hidden. She touched the place where he had been pinned for fifty years. Sighing she leaned her forehead against the tree. "I don't understand, god." She whispered. "Why did I meet him if this was the only going to hurt so much." Chuckling sadly, she whipped at the tears running down her face. "When did start to love him this much?" 

Inuyasha's keen ears heard every word. He almost whispered her name, but stopped before she heard him. No matter how hard this was, he had to keep her at a distance…or she'd end up hating him too. He couldn't let the only good, shining thing in his life hate him… 

Kagome sniffed bravely. If she could just hear his voice one more time she would be able to deal with letting him go. If only she could hear him, even if he was yelling. It would help…She turned to see her mother standing behind her. "Mama…" She whispered. Running towards the woman, Kagome's tears sparkled in the sunlight. 

Inuyasha watched silently as Kagome's mother comforted her daughter. It reminded him so much of his mother it hurt. But Kagome's kindness had also reminded him of his mother too. Kagome reminded him of so many things…his ears perked up.

"You know, Kagome, this tree has always made me feel safe." Her mother put her arm around Kagome's shoulders, smiling lost in her memories. "Your father proposed to me here, did you know that?"

Kagome sniffled and shook her head.

"We had had a huge fight the day before…I was really worried that things wouldn't work out. But then he met me at this tree and everything was wonderful." She tilted her head to look up in the branches. "I feel indebted to this tree…because of it, I have the two most precious treasures in the world, Sota," Her eyes fixed on Inuyasha, staring deep into his eyes as if to tell him to listen to her. "And you, you Kagome are a very precious treasure."

"Oh, Mama…" Kagome leaned in on her mother's shoulder and sobbed. If only he were here, she thought, if I could just hear his voice one more time, everything would be fine…I never even let him explain what had happened…

Her mother only stared into the tree branches and petted her daughter's soft hair. 

Who's fault was it that Kagome was crying…it's probably me, he thought silent in the leafy cover of the tree, unable to meet Kagome's mother's eyes. 

PLEASE REVIEW…Help me finish this Song Fic! Love you all! Darth Mer-Mer Momijichan@hotmail.com


	3. Feh! It's Probably Me...Part 3

WAH! I just watched the episode where all this when down, it's so much sadder than I remembered! Ooookay! Part 3! Work, work, work…must get this done with! Please R&R, I love the one's that do! Love you all, Darth Mer-Mer.

__

You're not the easiest person I ever got to know

And it's hard for us both to let our feelings show

Some would say I should let you go you way

You'll only make me cry

If there's one guy,

Just one guy

Who'd lay down his life for you and die

It's hard to say it

It's hard to say it,

But it's probably me

He had come back through the well…Kagome had stayed. He hadn't cried. Yet. Shippou was sitting on his shoulder griping at him. He already knew the familiar chant to go get Kagome, go apologize to Kagome, bring Kagome back. But this time, he couldn't. And he knew she wouldn't come back on her own. The last image of Kagome he could ever treasure was of her crying, because of him. His ears went flat as he heard Miroku and Sango approaching. They were bantering about clean breaks of relationships. This time he didn't even bother denying it. He and Kagome had had…something. He didn't know exactly what it had been, but it was different than what he had had with Kikyo. Or was going to have with her, he supposed. Then Miroku's word struck a cord. "You want me to break up with her that badly?!" He growled. "Don't you understand that it wouldn't be fair for me to go and drag-" He looked up as they were walking away.

Damn, them…he cursed silently. It wasn't fair, none of it was. What Miroku had said was true. Kagome was suffering more than he was. If that were true, he'd rather be sealed away for another fifty years to spare her the pain. He had to let her down, completely. If just for the fact she wouldn't have to hate him, like Kikyo. He looked down to find his feet carrying him to the Bone Eater's Well. Damn feet. 

Won't cry… won't cry. 

He took a deep breath. It was the only fair thing he could do. His eyes closed in the half-light of the forest. He couldn't bring her back, he had to go say goodbye like a man. If she did hate him, maybe, in time, she could forget him. He stopped…

Won't cry…can't cry.

He hadn't cried since his mother died. Kagome's mother was protecting her from a monster, just like his mother had been. Why had she stared at him like that? How could she have known he was there? He remembered his mother's words. "Inuyasha, mothers _always_ know." Kagome was so much like his mother in the small ways. The way she looked at him with complete understanding and trust. How could she fear a child? Even if it was half demon. Kagome was the same. It just didn't matter to her, she never ceased being appalled at the people who were cruel to him. He shook his head. None of that didn't matter now. It was about to be over…

Mustn't cry…shh, don't cry. 

His feet had slowed. All that did matter was that Kagome could have a chance at being happy. He'd rather die before making her hate him…if that's what it would take so be it. Kikyo was cold…but he had no choice but to stay with her. What had happened was all his fault. Kagome wouldn't say that, his mind whispered. Many things went wrong, not only you messed up. At least you didn't try to kill Kikyo like she tried to kill you. Kagome's mother had spoken of her engagement, if Kagome stayed here, she could never really have that. She deserved a normal life, a family...someone else to protect her. But there was no one who could do that as well as he could! He swallowed the pain down his throat. You made your choice, deal with it and hurry before she hates you more. 

Gods don't let me cry…I can't start crying.

He didn't think he'd be able to-

The sun hit him in the face and he stopped at the clearing to the well. She was there…Kagome was there! He found himself starting to smile as his heart sped up. Then he remembered what he had to say to her. His heart might as well have stopped beating.

Kagome looked up, her hair swirling in the wind. The sparrow at her feet flew away with her movement. They had flown with his voice on their wings. All the things he had planned to say were gone. There was only Kagome's serene face and the overwhelming need to cry at what he was about to lose. "Ka…gome…" 

She stood and looked him straight in the eyes. "I thought a lot about you and Kikyo on the other side. And me too." She made a strained effort to smile. It was bitter, but because it was her smile, he looked away. It was too hard.

"I…"

She stopped him. "I know. Because I understand your feelings…I thought that I couldn't come back because I know how you feel, about Kikyo." The slightest waver crept into her voice as she said the dead miko's name.

He sighed. He had forgotten so much in the short time he was away from her. The tone of her voice, her scent…how simply beautiful she was. To keep from crying and running to her, he tried to tell her. Tried to tell her everything that was breaking his heart and why. This is what came out. "Kagome, before I met you, I couldn't trust anyone. But you always cried for my sake." Gods, she was looking at him. He could feel her eyes on him, without looking he knew her eyes sad and hopeful at the same time. He couldn't bear to look up, the tears would win their silent battle. He continued, "You were always there for me. It was fun being with you. You," he paused, "made my heart feel at ease." He looked up again, it wasn't fair not to look at her. She deserved to be told this with out him looking at his feet. "But, I can't have fun or let my heart be at ease! Kikyo…" He saw her flinch, her face crumbling at the edges. "Kikyo died, because of me! Now, I must pay her back with my life." He looked away again.

"I know, I know that I can't compete with Kikyo…" She looked to the sky. "Because I'm still living for you." Her legs finally failed her. She sat down on the edge of the well. "I thought a lot about Kikyo too. She and I are so different. Even though they all say that I'm her reincarnation, I'm still Kagome. For a while I tried to convince myself that I only loved you because some part of Kikyo was still in me. But, I think, I think, I only have her soul. You see, my heart is only my heart. And I love you because my heart is my own." Her hands dug into the edge of the well until he could see her knuckles turn white. "Although, I do understand one of Kikyo's feelings. And for some reason that made me feel calm and because it was my own feelings and no one else's." She turned to face him, eyes haunted. 

He wondered to himself if Kikyo had already taken him to hell. There wasn't anything worse than what he knew Kagome was going to say. She hated him, just like Kikyo. It would never change. It was some cruel karmic wheel that wouldn't cease until he died. Maybe it would be easier in the long run to hear it from Kagome's mouth…he had never heard Kikyo say the words to him until after she died. Can't cry. Let her go home after she says she hates me. It's your own fault, she hates you. Afterwards, you can cry until your icy lover comes to take you to hell if you aren't there already. She hates you.

"Like Kikyo, I wanted to see Inuyasha one more time."

He couldn't help but gasp and in that moment, he gave away everything in his heart. The wind started to blow again.

"And because of that, I found enough courage to come and see you again…" She turned her head away as the sound of the wind rustled through the trees.

In his mind and heart Inuyasha thought, Kagome, more than anything I wanted to see you too, but…

"I want to be with you, Inuyasha…" He couldn't see her eyes as the wind blew her hair in thick, soft waves around her face. "I could never do such a thing as to forget you…" The wind swept through the gap between them, whispering words unsaid, but not unthought.

He was torn, the need for her was slowly overpowering his need to make her go. She knew everything, yet here she was. In his heart, he knew that she was going to be here. She had always been there for him. She always would be, but-

Kagome, he thought, how am I supposed to answer to that…?

As if reading his mind, she spoke the question that had been left unspoken. "Inuyasha, just answer one thing for me." She stood and walked to him, fists held tight at her sides. In truth she was trying not to bolt. But to Inuyasha's eyes, she looked like a goddess, strong and sure, her hesitant smile lighting up the world. Maybe it was her that had blinded him coming out of the forest…not the sun.

She looked at him, eyes echoing every fear she had ever know coming together with her one singular question. It was the span of two heartbeats before she said, "Is it alright for me to stay with you?"

To be continue as soon as I have enough feedback! Love you all, Darth Mer-Mer

Momijichan@hotmail.com 


	4. Feh! It's Probably Me...Part 4

Sniffle…Okay, last part…that last part was too sad. Next time, the next story will be funny, I hope. Please let me know what you think…Love you all! Darth Mer-Mer. I own no one, they only live under my bed, smacking my feet for writing something this angsty. 

__

When the worlds gone crazy and it makes no sense

There's only one voice that comes to your defense

The jury's out and your eyes search the room

And one friendly face is all you need to see

If there's one guy,

Just one guy

Who'd lay down his life for you and die, 

It's hard to say it

I hate to say it, but it's probably me…

Stunned. Too dumbfounded to speak, he looked up at Kagome's bright eyes. She had found a way around his careful defenses again. He had never expected her to knock before coming in. 

"You…would you stay with me?" He looked down, hoping this wasn't some sick joke the cosmos were playing on his slowly mending heart. Silence. The wind flowed in again, ruffling his hair. His ears flipped back to catch her almost silent, "Yes." 

The wind had brought him back his heart…with one tiny word, almost carried away by the breeze, his heart had returned to his chest from where ever it had gone to. His heart was too full for him to speak.

Kagome smiled. She should have known better than for him to accept her completely. I know the bond will never be broken between you and Kikyo, she thought, her heart still beating despite his long silence. I know that in my heart of hearts, but you know Inuyasha. This is what I think, it might not be a coincidence how you and I met. More than anything, I want you to live. She thought this with all her heart, staring into his wavering eyes. 

Finally he found his voice buried in the sands Kagome had made in his mind. Each grain of it was a reason why he loved her. There was enough to fill all the oceans in both their worlds. "Kagome…"

And that was enough, just to hear him speak her name was enough. Happiness and joy filled Kagome from top to bottom. In a moment of boldness, she reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him back towards the village. "Let's go home, Inuyasha." She said, her hand firmly holding on to his. In her mind she was rejoicing…I want you to be happy! She thought. I want to see you full of smiles! 

Her hand tightened as he fell into step beside her. His hand carefully folded around hers, as if he was afraid she'd shatter. He didn't know what to do. His mind was still full of Kagome, overpowered by the very essence of her. Then when he knew she was really there, he squeezed, holding on tightly to what had come back to him. 

I don't know what I can do, she though as she looked up at him, but I'll be by your side forever. They stopped for a moment to just look at what they still had as the wind blew their hair into masses of tangles around each other.

They stayed that way for a moment then continued to the village. As their footsteps silently fell on the forest floor, Inuyasha looked up to see the Shinboku towering above them. As her mother had said, Kagome and Inuyasha felt their hearts finally slow down and their minds clear of the millions of thoughts for each other. Kagome quietly slipped her hand out of his and walked to the tree. For a moment, he felt the overwhelming need to run and grab her hand back. Then he stopped. 

Kagome rested her head against the smooth part of the tree where his sleeping body had rubbed off the bark during his fifty-year sleep. Her tears were silently falling down her cheeks. It couldn't have been chance that she met him. There was too much in her heart for it not to be fate. He hadn't rejected her. He was just quiet, so quiet. But she had heard his voice whisper her name one more time, just as she had wished for. He could be as distant as he wanted, now that he had asked for her to stay…he could never talk to her again and she would still be happy. 

Inuyasha hand appeared beside her own, gently moving to cover her hand with his. He leaned down and rested his head on her shoulder…simply listening to her heart beating. Then, as the wind stole down the ancient tree's branches, he kissed her so softly and swiftly she thought she had imagined it. 

Startled, she didn't notice that he had her hand again and was pulling her towards Kaede's hut and the village. "Inuyasha?"

He smiled because she couldn't see him…and because he hadn't been this happy in a very long time. Gods, now he was getting all emotional, but who's fault was that? Feh! It's probably me…"Come on," He said gruffly, voice heavy with shyness and emotion, "Let's go home, Kagome." 

Kagome smiled and touched her lips, "Yes, let's go home…"

The END! OWARI DA! SEE THERE WAS ROMANCE! Please lemme know what you think. Thank you, hope you liked it…it was hard to write it… Love you people! Darth Mer-Mer 


End file.
